So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
