She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
