bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
