Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
