Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
