So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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