so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
