Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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