i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
