Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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