Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
