I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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