well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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