You can't special order awesome
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
