So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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