You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
