i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
