well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
