I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
