shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
