I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
