He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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