You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
