His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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