actually, I'm a sock model
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
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I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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