I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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