I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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