He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
