People in love make me want to vomit
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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