Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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