my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
