i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
