i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
