It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
