Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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