I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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