I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Randomize
