I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
