Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
