quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize