I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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