My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
