Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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