I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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