I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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