I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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