I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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