you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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