Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
