wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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