i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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