I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This house was built for laser tag.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
