You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
