I just saw a hot homeless man
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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