My girlfriend figured out who you are.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
