new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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