He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
