Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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