I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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