The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
