Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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