So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
