It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
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i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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