Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish i was in the wii world.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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