Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
