It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
