Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
