i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
